I love summer! I get my days mixed up. I lose track of time. And what an awesome feeling it is to know that I don't have to go back to school in the fall! The fourth of July is coming fast. Whenever it gets here, I usually get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, because from then on, summer vacation flies by...now, I don't mind : )
Gwen is 5 weeks old and smiling AT us, not just smiling in her semi-sleep state. It is so fun and melts my heart COMPLETELY.
She is kicking her legs like the future Rockette she is going to be.
She is starting to find her voice and tell some "cooing" stories.
Today, I went to the doctor for a check up.
Gettin' real here, people. I had a rocky start to mother hood. I know pretty much every mother gets the baby blues, but when you don't stop crying for two weeks and you are paralyzed by fear, it's time to seek help. I have ALWAYS been anxious. My dear and patient parents can attest to that. I am not ashamed to admit I am on medication for my anxiety. So, I thought for sure that was enough. I was "covered" and wouldn't suffer any type of postpartum mood disorder. Umm...WRONG.
When I get anxious about things, I research. Research is my coping mechanism. So, I found this site. I was reading posts and articles that were describing how I was feeling to a tea. Ugh, the "what ifs!" It was a relief to know that I wasn't crazy. It was a relief to know I was not alone. It was a relief to know that I would/will feel better.
So, about a month later, I am feeling human again. I get up and actually get ready instead of staying in my jammies. I am not crying! I am getting out of the house. I am soaking up every newborn moment, because I know that it doesn't last long and goes way too fast. Best of all, I am not playing the "what if" game every moment of the day. Not gonna lie, it's not all completely gone, but what mom doesn't have a bit of anxiety everyday? When we become mothers, I think we will always worry.
If you are struggling with postpartum feelings of anxiety, depression, OCD, or anything of the sort, don't be afraid to seek help. It's amazing how many don't seek help out of embarrassment or thinking they need to "suck it up" or expecting it to go away on its own.
TALK about it, with your partner, your family, and friends. It's a huge relief and the support will help get you through to the other side.